WHAT DOES YOUR CORNOLE BAG SAY ABOUT YOU??
Cornhole is growing in popularity every day. Part of this growth is due to the wide population of people that can play this game. You go to a local league or tournament and look around and I doubt you see any two players throwing the same. Most players initially select a bag that they find works for their throw type....but what does that bag selection tell us about the person?? Let’s find out!
GameChangers: the last thing you want to see when you walk up to the board is a fat guy or old man throwing game changers....you’ll lose...I can almost guarantee it. People who throw this bag fancy themselves very good at Cornhole, when in reality these bags make the hole 24” wide. Kidding, kidding....well kinda
Reynolds Pro Advantage: these are salt of the earth, blue collar, grab a 30 rack on the way home kind of folk. They work hard during the day and like to have a good time at night. These bags can drive you crazy if they aren’t thrown flat...but these guys tend to be are a little “off” themselves and they like it
BG Viking/Mercenary: these guys want to be like the pros soooo bad. They think they can roll/flop every bag in the hole no matter if the situation calls for it. They truly believe, deep in their hearts, that if they give Rich and Graham, owners of BG, daily Facebook compliments, maybe, just maybe, they will decide to sponsor players who average a 6.8 PPR
Ultra Viper: a super forgiving bag that always seems to be thrown by guys/girls who think they are really good looking (most of the time it’s even true). The guys typically rock either a backwards hat or enough hair products they could pass as members of the Jersey Shore cast. Partners can be heard talking about their latest gym session and how many selfie’s they snapped at the beach. They purchased a set of bags that says Team Ultra and ordered an Ultra jersey online and spend a significant amount of time trying to convince the other players they are really good
Cornhole Scenario: these Cornhole peeps are so stoked to get their bags after waiting 4 months (I’m being nice) that they immediately try to sell them for a billion dollars. Those who aren’t trying to make a quick buck are most likely obsessed with animals...I mean like really obsessed....like have 7 plus cats kind of obsessed, or thinks dogs count as children (THEY DON’T FUCKING COUNT...Until you can leave a kid in a cage all day while you go to work without being arrested...it doesn’t count...end rant). They most likely drive a Prius and never listen to mainstream music
Slide Rites: these folks just don’t want to give up on the good ole days. The first people to tell you that they started playing when it was only “duck n corn”. They “like to play a block and airmail game” which is secret code for “I’m really not that good so I might as well make life difficult for you too.” Their favorite conversations begin with “I remember when….”
724 Bagger Co: All 30 people who have these bags like to show them off. They are shocked when someone asks how they play because they would never even think to throw their works of art that most people are paying $250+ a set for. Most have ZERO lives and spend 97% of their day refreshing pages just to have a .0007654% chance at landing a set
Killshots Cornhole Bags: these players are the type of guys who think they are going straight to the NBA after “tearing” up a Tuesday night rec basketball game. They are patient and very loyal to their favorite brand and don’t mind the occasional rectangle bag (yeah we know the fabric will stretch, etc). If headbands in Cornhole were a thing...these guys would be all over it
Big Daddy Cornhole: You show up with Big Daddy bags in your hand and people know one thing…You like to party. Stamp? What the fuck do stamps have to do with cornhole?? You take your thick ass, hole forgiving bags and chuck them towards the hole. Did they go in? You’re not even sure because you are already a 12 pack deep before the match even started.
Lucky Bags Cornhole: Perhaps you watched a robot strut out to the boards rocking a flashy gold chain and hit 40 bags in a row. You start thinking to yourself, “I want to be that cool and good at cornhole too!!” The problem is, you could never be, and after waiting “6-8 weeks” for your bags, when you get them in, you can’t help but sell them once you realize other people are willing to pay you $300 plus so they can be cool too.
Local Bags: These players are drinking “Busch Latte” because I am pretty sure a 30 rack comes with every half set of bags (just an idea). You had never heard of these bags until you watched some guys, one dressed like your drunken gardener and the other a Napoleon Dynamite stunt double, on ESPN crushing the competition and talking more shit than Muhammed Ali in his prime.
Gladiator Cornhole Bags: These guys will be carrying a backpack that looks like they are preparing to climb Mount Everest. If you miss them walking in, they are easy to spot on the boards…they are wearing a batting glove with the last two fingers cut off to help with “their grip”. These guys take their cornhole serious, even if no one around them takes them seriously
If your favorite bag or brand was left out, never fear!! There will be more coming! The next “What does your Cornhole bag say about you” article will focus on the lesser known bags. Let us know in the comments below your thoughts and what bags you would like included on the next list!! Thanks for reading!
As always, I hope you throw them straight and it’s nothing but four baggers from here on out!
-Sean
