Cornhole Commandments — Hard Drag Push

Oct 11

Written By Sean Asp

Every game or sport (let’s not start that debate) has their own set of “unwritten rules”….Let’s take a look at the Cornhole Commandments!!

Thou shall Embrace every partner you get no matter the skill level
-One of the best things about cornhole is the community. Don’t be the asshole that ruins someone’s experience because you want to win $50 on a Wednesday night. Instead, play like you just got paired with Tony Smith or Mark Richards and have yourself a time!
Thou shall not lay up on their last bag to wash a round
-This hold especially true if it is a blind draw. Don’t play timid. No guts…No Glory. You shoot the Airmail every-damn time…no matter what your partner says
Thou shall buy new bags rather than practice to improve performance
-To improve your cornhole skills, it is customary to avoid practice at all cost to get better. Science has shown a positive correlation between increased bag purchases to rising PPR’s. So ditch those practice rounds and go buy yourself a shiny new set of bags
Thou shall proclaim “my bad” and form at least 5 excuses for why you lost immediately following a match
-The list of excuses is infinite. “Boards were too fast.” “Bags were too sticky.” “The cross wind created by the vent above the board caused me to suck.” “I am better with my arm inside/outside.” “I sprained my toe while playing football when I was 11 and I was having flashbacks about the injury.” My favorite is the “my bad” chest tap after my partner throws a pathetic round of 10.
Thou shall dramatically complain about players crossing the line (or any other rule) on a public forum
-The cornhole community is loud and proud and with that comes plenty of differing opinions. If you’re new to the game…just join the Addicted to Cornhole Page on Facebook and start scrolling….Thank me later. Maybe one day we will have match officials. Until then, remember, it’s the players responsibility to police these issue.
Thou shall not bitch at, or about, tournament/league directors
-Do not give your directors, or person putting on an event, a hard time. These people are taking time out of their lives to put on an event where you can go and have fun. So unless you help set up/tear down…keep your mouth shut and don’t be talking shit. Unless your director intentionally does not pay for Air Conditioning or Heat at a large event….I mean who even does that?!?!
Thou shall try to start a conversation with a player wearing headphones at a blind draw
-If your opponent is wearing headphones it is only right to talk in a volume that forces them to take an earpiece out…you may resume speaking as soon as they place the ear piece back in their ear. Mental warfare folks…an average player’s best friend.
Thou shall only dress in the finest of athletic attire while playing competitively in public
-The Bowling community is known for having a unique look, shoes included….but cornhole takes that to a whole other level. At a bigger event you will see everything from crocs and socks, to socks and slides, from Jerseys to cutoffs and even a pair of “jorts” along the way. If you’re a “young gun” chances are you’re rocking the short shorts. I get it...it’s the “in” style…I am not hating on it. But if we can form a circle of trust just for a second…. some of the shorts are getting too short… like aggressively short…
Thou shall make a recap post on Facebook following any podium finishes…tagging “sponsors” and posting pictures of stats is encouraged
-Nothing like a Monday Facebook timeline for cornhole lovers. Filled with pictures of players flashing various amounts of fingers while holding up a set of boards. If you’re lucky enough, the player will include a picture of their stats courtesy of Scoreholio Scoremagic or ACL software stuff?
Thou shall awkwardly fist bump an opponent after every round regardless of performance
-Can we please agree that the fist bumping after every round thing is annoying?? If we both have good rounds, and we wash?? Sure, I’ll let you bump me up…..but if I give up points, I better be the one initiating the fist bump, or those knuckles of yours might get a little lonely.
Thou shall refer to any player who plays well as the GOAT
-The term is used a little loosely these days. Wonder if it bothers Matt Guy?